Thinking Blues
by RoastedPorkchop
Summary: Tony's thoughts as he leaned against some rubble after he watches almost everyone who came with him disappear before his eyes. WARNING: INFINITY WAR SPOILERS


**Me: Okay, I'm typing this because I just got home from the mall. I watched Infinity War, I'm left emotionally damaged, and I can't move on and can't wait for part 2.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Avengers. If I did, Thor and Captain America would be mine because they are sexy beasts. Oh, and the title was inspired from my Google search "songs about thinking", clicked a website, scrolled around then saw the song "Thinking Blues" by John Lee Hooker. It's not related to the fic in any way.**

 **Warning: SPOILERS :)) ish. IF YOU'VE WATCHED IT, GO AHEAD, BUT IF NOT, DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK.**

* * *

Tony wasn't sure what to think at the moment. He was trying to process everything that just happened, waiting for the exhaustion to wear off of him a little. His adrenaline rush had run out a long time ago as he sat next to a woman who also lost people, who lost her sister, if she and Mr. Lord were mourning over the same person. Well, _mourned_ for Mr. Lord. He was gone now.

 _Gone._

His hands started shaking. He analyzed the damage on his suit. It wasn't impossible to fix. He groaned when he accidentally moved and his wound hurt. He covered it up, so it should hold until he got back.

Anyways, the suit. It would just take time. _If_ he could get out of here.

He wasn't sure how this all went wrong. He could start with Thanos, though. Stupid bastard.

What purpose would it gain for half the world — the _universe_ — to be destroyed? Economically, as he is a businessman, he'd understand that yeah, it would probably help deal with the overpopulation problem and allow for a better distribution of the finite resources of the planet. But, as far as he knew, that was it, and, as far as he knew, the government's been working on that. Progress was slow but steady. Thanos did it as easily as snapping his fingers. His way worked faster, but it wasn't the solution: genocide is _never_ a solution.

 _The weird girl with antennas._

 _The bulky, shirtless dude._

 _The so-called Star Lord._

He didn't know them that much, but it didn't hurt any less to see someone die right in front of him.

He gritted his teeth as he thought of _Star Lord._

Strange had told them that there was only one in fourteen million six hundred and something ways that they would win. What if today was that chance? If Star Lord had just waited for them to remove the gauntlet, if he just waited a little more before blowing up —

Tony understands, though, doesn't really hold it against him for acting like that. If someone had killed Pepper, he would've reacted the same way, but it still frustrates him that if they had removed the gauntlet, at least, they would have had a chance. That way, no one would have had to have died, like Strange, who he admits is kind of annoying — _was_ kind of annoying — but in the end, the man did save his life… and then there was his protégée.

Oh, God, his protégée.

Tears spilled from the man's eyes as he looked down on the ground. He had trained that boy, been a mentor to that boy who w _as_ _supposed to be on a field trip and shouldn't have come along, that was why he had given him that parachute for God's sake, the stupid kid should have left when he had the chance and now he was deaddeaddead —_

 _"_ _I don't wanna go, Mr. Stark." "I'm scared, I'm scared."_

The boy had hugged him, shaking in fear of death and he was so yo _ung, so young, he shouldn't have died why didn't he just stay he should've stayed on Earth, at his school bus, enjoy his field trip then go home to Aunt May —_

Tony released a shaky breath. May. Oh, God, what would he tell her once he came back to Earth? What would he tell May? 'Oh, hey, by the way, I kinda got your nephew killed when he tagged along with me. Yeah, since he's Spiderman, I kinda made him an Avenger, and uh, yeah, he's dead'. Like hell, he would.

Well, if May's even alive. Thanos wanted to kill half the population right? Who's to say May wasn't dead?

Oh, God.

Tony started shaking his head. No, no. It couldn't be right? Pepper… Pepper was safe. She had to be, right? But they all disintegrated in front of him — well, not really all of them, a woman was still here a safe distance away from him — so who's to say Pepper didn't disintegrate as well? But _nonono, Pepper's safe, she's fine, she has to be fine, she can't die, she won't die, not as long as I live, PepperPepperPepperI'msorryI'msorryIshouldn'thaveleftyou_ —

But, selfish as he may be, he wasn't that selfish. He knew he had to go, to stop this madman, but he had failed. He had failed half the civilians on Earth, and many more in other galaxies. If he had only been smarter, made more useful adjustments to his suit, to _Peter's suit — Peter, kid, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but you should've stayed, dammit, now do you see why you should've stayed now you're dead and it's my fault and —_ maybe they could've had a chance.

He's betting Thanos had done the same to the rest of the crew on Earth: Rhodey, Widow, Wanda, Vision —

Oh, wait.

Steve Rogers was on Earth, too.

Steve Rogers probably led the rest of the team against them. Bitterly, Tony assumes they've met the same end, with only one or two left alive. He wouldn't be surprised.

Who the fuck could stop Thanos, anyway?

Maybe Thor, but Thor was…

He chuckles bitterly.

He didn't even get to make up with Rogers. He probably should've called earlier, listened to Banner. It could've changed things. And, damn it, he'd admit it: he hoped Rogers wasn't dead. Well, he hoped the others weren't dead, too, but it was Rogers who he once had some serious beef with. This, he won't admit out loud, but he would've wanted to reconcile with Rogers, if Rogers wasn't dead, that is. Hopefully he wasn't.

But, if Rogers and the others were still alive, he needed to get back to them. He wasn't sure if he was up to fight again. Today's altercation really took a toll on him and his suit. Maybe some other time.

Right now, he needed to get back to his team and just ensure _that they were alive, please, let them be alive._

He turns to the woman just a few feet away from him. It seems she's done grieving, as well.

"I, uh, don't suppose you've got a ship, do ya?"

* * *

 **Me: And that's it! Hope you enjoyed. If you haven't watched Infinity War yet, but still read this, Tony doesn't really speak to Nebula about the ship thing, or at least, I didn't see it in the movie. Just spun this story, wondering what Tony was thinking about.**

 **Also, just a few rants/questions (AGAIN, WARNING: SPOILERS!):**

 **1\. Goddamn, Loki's part already made me cry. Especially when he admitted to being an Odinson, and I was like DAMN, BABE. Watching Thor freak out over Loki being killed in front of him, oh, God, Thor bb :((**

 **2\. Heimdall's part made me tear up as well. I mean, he could have saved himself, but he managed to save Hulk, huhu.**

 **3\. Spiderman. Tom Holland, my bae. When he was begging Tony to help him, that he didn't want to die, I lost it. It really tore my heart. I have no words for this scene.**

 **4\. WANDA, THOUGH. Vision was asking her to kill him, and damn, when she was crying but trying her best to do what he wanted her to do. I could not. And her devastated face when Thanos brought back Vision to kill him again.**

 **5\. Bucky. Watching Steve when he lost Bucky right in front of him. It wasn't as sad as the abovementioned parts but the dude just lost his friend. Again.**

 **6\. Groot. :(( Marvel left Rocket all alone. Like, everyone else died. Man…**

 **7\. Did Thanos somehow end up in a different time period near the ending, or was that an alternate universe or something? A universe/period where the Avengers could redeem themselves and fight back and win…**

 **8\. AND SPEAKING OF THE AVENGERS. The OG Avengers were the only ones left alive. Almost all the other non-OG Avengers disappeared.**

 **9\. And then that extra bit with Nick Fury. Why contact Captain Marvel just now? Where was CM in the other movies?**

 **10\. AND WHERE WERE HAWKEYE AND ANT-MAN?**

 **Kay, that's it. Hope you enjoyed the fic! (Also, it's my first time making an Avengers fanfiction, so go easy on me, please? Hehe.)**


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